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You can't have manslaughter without laughter
Anxiety, ISTJ vs Splatoon 
18th-Jan-2016 02:58 pm
Noragami - Punk Yato
Splatoon has been a huge part of my life since I first saw it while visiting Ina back in July. I bought the game and Wii U in mid august and with help from some new amazing friends, I have been able to become a relatively awesome player! I work hard and practice, learning from my mistakes and from others I play with/watch on Youtube.
Now that I am a master of Turf War and level 40, I have proven myself good enough to be on a squad and to really wean on into Ranked mode.

As much as I am excited for the new opportunity and learning experience; I have a major flaw that will interfere with the beginning stages.

Much like Turf War, I was petrified playing with other people online. Was I good enough? Would I ever been good enough?
The answer is yes but I had to work for it though now I can admit that is it much different playing solo than with friends.

Now I have gotten to the point that I actually need to play ranked to get anywhere at my level.

Let's start with my actual mental disorder diagnosed as Generalized Anxiety Disorder and how it comes into play with Splatoon.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) comes with subcategories of different anxieties, six if I remember correctly. I have two and one of them is Perfectionist Anxiety. My dad is a perfectionist so I am sure some of this spikes from my upbringing.
If I cannot do something perfectly, I had failed.
I am petrified if the thought of failure.
Failure is not an option and can never be an option.

Ranked mode in Splatoon shoves failure in your face.
It's to mostly help you grow more determined.
It makes me want to crawl in a little ball.
Obviously I have grown with this anxiety and learned to counter it. Yes I have failed and I can only get better by practicing. That is the only way I cannot fail. It's much easier said that done. I will go into Ranked being ok with knowing I will fail because I don't practice enough due to this fear of failure but midway I will become very anxious and never want to do it again.
I know I have to push myself and get over this anxiety. I WANT to be a high ranked Splatoon player because I KNOW I'm good enough if I try. I just ask my friends and squad members to see this fear I am trying to overcome and allow me to take more breaks than usual.

Next is my personality trait: ISTJ
Being a part of a squad or ranking with friends is also stressful.
With Ranked mode shoving failure in your face, it also makes you question if you didn't just fail for yourself but if you failed your friends.
As an ISTJ, failing a friend is not ever, ever an option.
We certainly have a hard time expressing certain feelings and emotions but our close friends are close and we cherish them like family.

So this is why I am quite flaky when someone asks me to rank with them.
It is an excuse I hide behind but for most of my life, I have been fighting anxiety so it cannot define who I am. I WILL get over, but I WILL need more support and encouragement to help me get over that wall. ;w;
19th-Jan-2016 01:34 am (UTC)
When and if you feel ready sometime, I'm an S rank Splattershot Jr and I don't care at all if I lose rank (I go between A+ and S a ton), so if you'd ever like to squad up with me for fun, let me know! I promise that I don't mind at all if I lose, I play the game for laughs in the first place and find like with competitive Pokemon a lot of people tend to take it a bit too seriously for my tastes. Splat Zones is my least favorite mode and I'm probably more of an A or A- rank in that mode but I'd be glad to practice anything with ya! No pressure for when or whatever, I think it'd be fun!
19th-Jan-2016 01:46 am (UTC)
Oh I didn't realize you played!! That's awesome, I'm an A- SJR!
Rainmaker is my ultimate weakness but then again I really only played Zones since I found it the easiest.
Now I'm paying for it!
I love Tower but not at A- rank LOL! Then again Hanmerhead is a hard Tower map!

What is your NNID??

And I think my friend came up with a good idea that I start a new account just for ranked. He did the same and feels less pressured at a low rank than his current (lvl 50 rank S) and wants to build a team. It'll be nice just to work buy my ranked gear and start again from the beginning!
20th-Jan-2016 01:08 am (UTC)
I play a lot haha and my NNID is "ChibiSilverWings" Shocking heh. Add me when you have time, I'll be glad to play with you if you ever feel like it! Just message me on here. Dual SJR team sounds like some good eats :D I can also play NZAP, Splash and Sploosh pretty well and tend to favor those in SZ.

Rainmaker, as far as I can tell, doesn't suit the Bubbler well since picking up the RM cancels your Bubbler, so basically you end up not using your special much which is the exact opposite of TC and SZ. I tend to use completely different gear for RM than for SZ and TC. In RM almost all my gear is for running speed, swimming speed and quick respawn. And a bit of Ink recovery up because I'm a bit too in love with that for my Splat Bombs.
19th-Jan-2016 07:08 pm (UTC)
Man, how do I keep missing friend entries???

My first thought was "Well, at least you don't threaten to break the gamepad when you fail...... like a certain someone." But I realized that in lieu of you breaking the gamepad, you just destroy yourself a little on the inside instead...... so it was a bad joke. And I am awkward. :|

My awkward attempt at making light of the situation aside, I more or less know how you feel. I think quite a few of our friends know that I'm at least somehow interested and competent at competitive Pokemon play, but man, no one's ever actually seen me while playing. I turn into a shivering mess, my palms get super sweaty... even my teeth start chattering because I'm shaking so much. (I was sitting next to Alfred once and doing an online battle. He heard my teeth chattering and was all "Are you cold, or are you actually that nervous?!") It's really embarrassing and it takes so much out of me that playing competitively is literally tiring.

The funny thing is that I'm nervous because I'm afraid of failing at Pokemon, but I also know what it's like to be successful, and I don't like that much either. XD; I had a friend who always beat me at Pokemon for years and years, and when I finally put together the perfect team and wrecked his face, I felt really empty afterwards and lost interest in competitive play for some time.

At the end of the day, just realize that people who tell to just "practice more and get over it" don't know what's best for you; only you know what's best for you. And if that means taking it reeeeal slow and playing like one ranked mode game every two weeks, then that's all you need. <3
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